Now that I can see, what will
I do without my SSI check?
I saw him do it for everyone else. Why not me?
"Hey, Jesus, wait up! I saw what you did for that blind guy back there. Does that mean we can cure everything like that? Can life really be that good? So the spirit truly does rule over the flesh?"
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
"Gotta pee or something? I got problems too. Serious problems. There's something wrong with me, more wrong than I can even figure. It's killing me I can't figure this out. It keeps me from everything - and everyone - that I love."
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
"Is there some sort of trick to asking for help? I didn't see that blind guy do anything and he got help. Other people come up to you with their problems and you solve them right away. Is it because I'm some sort of uber jerk who doesn't deserve help? See? This is what I'm talking about! Things never go right for me and I can't figure out why. I'm going out of my mind!"
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
"Man, I must be the biggest loser alive. Not even Jesus will help me! Dude, if I'm so beyond hope, just tell me. I'm not all that enthralled with living here, believe me! You think I should check out, that I'm a hopeless fuck not worth your time, I'd be more than happy to leave. I just need a decision from someone who's both honest and certain. Only the dishonest are certain here!"
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
"Just not hearing me, are you? You're a guy, you gotta understand. Got a goddam boner with no place to put it. Surely you know the sheer unrelenting agony of that. Or does being perfect mean never having to whack off? I just need someone I can be with. It's not fucking optional! But I can't do it because there's something deeply wrong with me."
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
"I'm not trying hard enough, is that it? Man, this endless guessing is the worst form of torture! How am I supposed to know what do without having absolute knowledge like you? If I just knew the fucking direction to go, I'd go there! I can't commit my life on some blind whim. I need to know what I'm doing."
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
No smoking hot Russian tennis stars
to contend with in ancient Israel.
to contend with in ancient Israel.
"You're a real fucking hard case, aren't you. That's what my elders used to say to me but if they ever got a hold of your ass they'd see I'm not alone - not even! It's always like this, I say something and no one listens. You fucking fart and the whole world wants to hear it. So what's the difference, what's the disconnect here? What's the crime in telling me?"
But Jesus did not stop. He walked on by.
"OK, fine, I give! Just no fucking point to life, is there? My best friend is gone and I don't understand why we can't even talk. You wouldn't know about problems like that, would you? Just us cowards who don't communicate. I don't know why I can't share my feelings. I wish I could know what's wrong with them!! But I give up, I've got no future. Go on your own way."
Then Jesus stopped, turned around and came back to me. He gave me a hug that brought tears to my eyes. Then he walked on - but I didn't feel I was alone anymore.
