I Saw Fire In The Rain

I don't know what woke me up. It was in the deep of the night where you know things you don't want to know. I couldn't open my eyes more than halfway, my eyelids firmly resisting, already begrudging me what sight I had.

I noticed a glow from the bedroom window and looked outside to see a tree on fire in the rain. I wondered what was wrong, for either the tree was not really on fire or the rain was not really rain. Such clarity of confusion drove me mad, paralyzing me. Better I had stayed ignorant, part of me pleaded. "But I have to know," I responded. But I also knew the state of madness that held me in its grip was intolerable in the extreme.

Had I a glimpse of hell? Is this purgatory? That's certainly my feeling. This can't go on, so I turned away and went back to bed, hoping for the best but fearing the worst. Sure enough, the vision followed me to my dreams. "Why doesn't the rain put out the fire? Has Mankind become so perverse the laws of nature have reversed?" I was outside, in the rain, feeling the heat of the flames. When I woke up I ran to the window, this time eyes wide open, no tricks. But all was black in the moonless night.

Next morning I convinced myself it had never happened, that it had been a dream from start to finish. Mad tales like these get one ostracized. And, well, I wasn't too sure about me either after that. Mind playing tricks on me! "That's what purgatory is," I assured myself, "when you can't tell illusion from reality." So why was my heart pounding when I stepped out the door?



The ground was damp, the tree was burnt. But which had won, the fire or the rain? If only I hadn't turned away. Suddenly, to know this seemed the most important thing in the world; life or death. I'd missed my one chance, forced to live in forever ignorance the rest of my days, permanently damaged. All I'd wanted to do was turn away and sleep. I thought I was being cursed in a moment of blessing. If only I had faced it! Here in the sunlight I was brimming with useless courage, sort of like swearing to Heaven, "I can do it!" before coming here to die in fear.

I saw others walking with scared looks on their faces. Before I could finish my question they answered they were fine and would speak no more. Where is the hope in that? Then I overheard some passing talk of a person who'd stayed and watched eyes wide open, not running away like I had, able to lead a life I never can. The thought of that drove me insane with jealous rage. Someone like that could expose me. Die fucker die! He must be killed!

After the rage passed I was shaken. I'd felt the hatred of Jesus upon my heart. Who can I look in the eye now? I started running into the woods to hide. The living trees and birds greeted me in innocence and I felt both relieved and ashamed. After a time, then half a time again, I made my way back to the burnt tree as I knew I must. High up sat a woman on the edge of a branch bemoaning her plight in this world.

"I can't stand living anymore with you people! You must learn to behave!" In her right hand was a saw. She was cutting off her branch to spite her life. A crowd of mockers watched below.

"Better stop that cutting or you's will fall to the ground and breaks yur neck! Har, har, har!"

"See what I mean! So much negativity. I'm tired of hearing of doom and gloom. Show some support for once!"

"Ya dum cunt I IS supportin' ya! You's got ya brain wired wrong? Whatcha tryin' to prove up there sawing away like that anyways??"

"I'm trying to prove you can disagree without being disagreeable. And you, sir, are most disagreeable!" In the meantime demons wearing happy face masks climbed the tree to speak to the woman unheard by the mockers.

"Madam, please let me apologize for those godless heathens below. I and several others here fully support you and your endeavors. Someone must stand for civility in rude times like these!"

"Oh, thank God for a voice of reason at last! That's all I'm trying to say: give civility a chance."

"I and my friends quite agree, madam. We just want you to know not everyone is like those mockers below, that's there still quite a few who support reasonable discussion and manners, and we encourage you to the very utmost to never give in to the negativity and the doomsayers and stay the course with your sawing!"

"Thank you, thank you! I feel a thousand percent better. I must admit I was having my doubts but -"

At that point the branch broke and she fell breaking her neck. The masked demons up in the tree screamed in outrage to the mockers below. "See what you devils made her do? If you had supported her she'd be alive right now!" The mockers dispersed in silence seeing the speaker was not a reasonable person. "Got nothing to say, do you? I knew I was right!"

That night I was afraid to go inside my house so I sat out on the front steps. I wondered how to talk. No one would speak to me of the burning tree but it was easy to tell they had seen it too! And that woman wouldn't listen to the truth either, like you had to sell it to her. But you can't sell the truth and you can't make people talk even when you know they're lying. What to do? What to do...

I went inside and wrote a story of how I had a dream of seeing a tree burning in the rain. When people read it they said they really liked it and their eyes lit up like it was a relief. "What a crazy dream!" they'd remark to protest their innocence. One thing I changed was to say I stayed at the window and kept my eyes wide open until the very end. Of course, I had to imagine what I saw then but I'd use that and wait to be corrected by someone who really was brave and could tell me the actual truth. No one ever corrected me. Damn.

These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of love. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of silence, who claim to be believers though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth.