Shotgun Divorce

"I think what I'm going to do is shoot her."

"Shoot her?? But why?"

"Because it's like I'm on a frying pan getting fried alive and I'm going out of my mind!"

"Shooting her won't help that. It will only make it worse."

"How do you figure? I need her and it's driving me crazy. Getting rid of her gets rid of her being a problem."

"It's just the opposite. You'll only be adding to your problems. Shooting her won't make you stop needing her."

"But it has to! It's 24/7 fear, anger and depression. You wouldn't believe the agony."

"You fucked up. You had a chance to be with her and you fucked up. That's why you feel so lousy."

"OK, so I fucked up. But now I've got to live and that means without her - which I cannot do. I only ever felt like I was somebody when I was with her."

"That's why you need to keep her around."

"But there's no hope to be with her! And I can't stand the thought someone else is with her getting everything I lost. It drives me insane!"

"Still can't shoot her. It will end your life as well as hers."

"My life is not worth living. I've poisoned and littered my soul in hideous ways. Each day I go down to the river to pour motor oil in just so everyone can know how polluted I am."

"Does that help?"

"Nothing helps! But I can't stop doing it. I hate doing it but I can't keep it inside either. I need to shoot the river too."

"Face it: You will always miss her because you won't find another like her. You told me she's the first person not to make you feel guilty about your intelligence."

"You're not helping."

"Well, you got together in the first place for a reason."

"She thought I was something I was not. She thought I was an honorable person. I kept trying to tell her I wasn't but she wouldn't listen. So if I shoot her I'll finally prove my point. Damn, she's a stubborn woman!"

"You should have trusted her more."

"And she should not trust me at all! I never should have lied to be with her but I couldn't resist. Everything about her made me feel better."

"How did you lie exactly?"

"I didn't lie, exactly. I just sort of kept back facts of my failings. Problem was, with her I didn't feel those failings anymore, just when I was apart."

"So why didn't you go to the meeting with the counselor she proposed?"

"I was too afraid for anyone to know the truth."

"But you sabotaged everything because you wanted the truth out!"

"Funny part is, even with everything that has happened and she finally rejected me I still feel she doesn't know the truth."

"Running away from the counseling session was a mistake."

"I just couldn't face what that the counselor was going to say. I kept imagining it in my head. My failures exposed. She'd see the real reasons not to be with me, not the ones I was creating. The more I thought about it, the worse it got."

"If you had faced up then you'd be over this by now."

"I see that now but at the time you could not have imagined a more terrifying experience. I was paralyzed, it was complete panic. I kept thinking: "Anything but this!" I was absent reason. I did not want to lose her like that, to see the look of disappointment on her face."

"So how do you hope to make things better?"

"Better? How can anything be better? Everything is crumbling around me. Once you start running it never stops. It touches your whole life. I lie to people for no reason now. Baseless paranoia invades my dreams turning even the simplest thing into a nightmare. In my head I know it's groundless but I can't accept that as real."

"So you need to stop running."

"If I do, I'll die! Everything from the past will catch up to me. I still have to keep hope alive."

"Hope of what?"

"Hope that if I'd been honest with her things would have worked out better. She is more understanding than I gave her credit. It's easier to believe the worst so I don't feel so bad about fucking things up. Deep inside I still cling to her. She did me right and then some."

"Want to know what true hopelessness is? Never communicating. When you stop communicating and start living your life in your head it always turns out just like you've described. You think you'll solve your problems by removing the need to communicate but there's no getting around it."

"It's weird. It's like I've stopped even basic communication because when I do I feel all sorts of guilt. I'm out of control...just disintegrating..."

"It rots everything and will continue to do so until reversed. You'll find in a dishonest society where people hold back their true feelings it is the liars and deceivers who rise to the top. That is what happens when you stop facing the truth. Soon, your mantra becomes reversed: you tell yourself you must not communicate at all costs. That's when downfall comes."

"Damn, you really do know about this stuff, doc. You've got it all figured out. I was beginning to think no one had any answers. It does sting a bit going to a counselor now after rejecting it with Amelia. I fear her even more. But there's a price to be paid for past sins, I know."

"Yes, much mending must be done. Do not succumb to the unjust. Those who suffer under an unjust system are made voiceless. Silence your feelings and you become your own tyrant. Even if you gain a worldly profit from that silence there is no end game to it, just forever running."

"I see and understand. When you put it that way, it's easier to perceive it in others. Damn, doc, you should run for office or something. You could fix the world."

"We each have our calling. When I see you next time I hope I can hear a success story of you communicating!"

"Uh, sure, doc. Well, you see, it's like this. Speaking of communicating, there's no way I can pay your 300 dollar fee!"

"What? This is outrageous!"

"You said to communicate! Maybe you were wrong?"

"Never!"

"Well, would you have seen me if I had told you I couldn't pay?"

"Never!"

"Well, fuck, so much for communicating."

Cry "Havoc!" And Let Slip The Dogs Of War

Listen mindless and you will fear

The heedless ride of Fall Severe,

"Enemy plans heard in my ear!

"Better fight or you're a queer!"

Missiles launch from churchly steeple

Eradicating their evil people!

Hate's conviction never feeble,

Cheering glee from shearing sheeple.

Children flee the terror sky

On this day their dreams will die,

"Havoc! Havoc!" the foreign king's cry

Finger licking deadly men's pie.

"I'm the killing king!" he brags,

"Put beating hearts in zippered bags!"

"The horse to hell never sags!"

"Carry me high on war's dog tags!"

"Victory!" squeals comforted mother

Her hands bloodied by another;

God's sinless run for hopeless cover -

They unclaimed by any brother.

"More exotic than a doctor's pill

"This killing for my god's will!

"Crushing justice is my thrill,

"Peace needs my guiding hand still."

Crucified prophets finally faint,

"Our lies their truth shall not taint!

"It's lovely dreams we do paint -

"We've voted ourselves a lovely saint!"

Placing hope on terror's peace

Blood oils the war machine's grease;

Laughing bandits the new police,

Freedom's hope artfully fleeced.

Romans dance on their future grave,

Hanging high thieves who forgave;

Who dare stop this worldwide rave?

Who dare keep their soul to save?

O, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,

That I am meek and gentle with these butchers!
 

Thou art the ruins of the noblest man

That ever lived in the tide of times.
 

Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood!

Over thy wounds now do I prophesy,--
 

Which, like dumb mouths, do ope their ruby lips,

To beg the voice and utterance of my tongue-- 

A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;
 

Domestic fury and fierce civil strife

Shall cumber all the parts of Italy;
 

Blood and destruction shall be so in use

And dreadful objects so familiar

That mothers shall but smile when they behold

Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;
 

All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:

And Caesar's spirit, ranging for revenge,

With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
 

Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice

Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war;
 

That this foul deed shall smell above the earth

With carrion men, groaning for burial

"Ya Dum Fukk!"

"I's sorry. Time for me to go now. Massa gotta beat me."

"Beat you!? Why would you let him beat you?"

"That jus' the way it is. Massa da boss. Ain't you a been 'round?"

"Well, yeah. That's why I know you can't let people beat you."

"Boy, you crazy or what? You gots to learn how things is! Don't ya know nothin', ya dum fukk?"

"But don't you mind him beating on you?"

"Oh, no sah. I don't minds. I ain't got no attitudenal problems. The massa got the rights to beat me."

"Nobody has those kind of rights."

"I ain't nobody's to be questionin' nothin'. Just gotta be a man and takes ya beatin's."

"Well, sounds to me like it'd really hurt."

"Oh, that part I doan like! I don't minds the beatin's but I sher do hate the hurtin' part!"

"I'm sensing a disconnect here."

"Ain't disconnectin' nothin'! What? You expectin' me to want them beatin's to hurts? What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I guess I'll be on my way then. I don't want to get beat."

"That you problem then, ya dum fukk!"

Wow, he seems a damn sight sore with me but not a whit against the person wailing the daylights out of him. Boy, I don't get that. I don't get that at all!

Then I noticed something else after walking a far piece down the road.

"Oh, sir. Sir? Can I show you something please?"

"Why, yes, my good man. You may show me anything you please! I'm a soul of great and even temperament just like all the good souls in this land."

"Wow, I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear you say that!"

"Praise be to us and our ways, indeed! Look around you. Do you see any shit? Do you see any shit at all?"

"Why no. You're right. I don't see any shit."

"That's no accident, my friend. We have a devised a shit free land! Civilizations since the beginning of time have strived to do what we have done but we are the first!"

"That's amazing. I admire your confidence. What's your secret?"

"Why, it's our glorious dam you see behind you. We keep all our shit behind there. Makes you wonder why no one else had done it sooner?"

"You think maybe it's because sooner or later you won't be able to keep building your dam high enough because shit never ends?"

"My dear sir, have no fear. Relax and enjoy our paradise! We are the most learned and technological of all peoples. Technology is the savior of our race."

"Technology can only go so far, though."

"Do not be a non-believer! Do not live the horrible life of the deceived and deluded. Why is it you cannot accept paradise found?'

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I was noticing this rather large crack in the dam and thought maybe someone should do something about it."

"But instead you found out how wrong you are! Science cannot be questioned!"

"You sure are convinced, I'll give you that much."

"You certainly flatter me, sir!"

"But aren't you going to do anything about the crack?"

"How absurd! Why would we do something like that? That's like admitting something is wrong."

"And it seems to me since this dam is going to break anyway sooner or later better to let it break now or you'll face even more shit down the line."

"Such negativity! You do yourself no favors with thoughts like that, sir."

"You're not going to beat nature! Just face up to it and get it over with! You'll be fine."

"You're on of them, aren't you? A truth terrorist! You just want everything to fail, don't you!"

"No, I want everything to work. What happened to that open mind you were talking about?"

"You, sir, belong in our jail! I can think of nothing more outrageous than unleashing a mountain of shit upon us! You must be the stupidest person in the world. Now get out of here before I arrest you, ya dum fukk!"

Sheesh. Why is it the more wrong a person is the more convinced they are? Man, not everyone can be this nutty around here - can they?

For some reason, the sight of a happy, cheering crowd gave me hope. I mingled in getting as intoxicated in hope as the rest.

"What's all the excitement about?"

"A Bitch Man is coming! The biggest Bitch Man of all! Oh my gosh, I so cannot totally believe it!"

"Well, uh, that's a good thing?"

"Well, of course it is, ya dum fukk! Being a bitch is what it's all about. Don't you want nothing out of life?"

"Of course I do. Just didn't think that was the way to do it."

"You are a dum fukk, aren't you? Oh, look! Here he comes! Quick, give him everything you have."

"What? Are you nuts? I'm not giving him squat!"

"Then you won't get squat, neither! Don't be a selfish freeloader! Give up the goods!"

"Seems to me the Bitch Man is the freeloader!"

"Impossible! He already has everything! He's no moocher!"

"Then what hell you giving him more for?"

"What kind of crazy are you? Everyone wants to be a Bitch Man!"

"Fuck that. I keeping my dignity."

"Wow, you are some kind of asshole. Can't you do something for the common good? You're just one of those people who wants to keep everything for himself."

"But that describes the Bitch Man!"

"You're some kind of brainwashed, aren't you? Life is about giving."

"Why not give to someone who doesn't have everything?"

"You are one dum fukk, aren't you? I'm not going to enable other people's bad behavior. You've got a thing or two to learn about responsibility. Good thing there are adults like me around, ya Lazarus loser!"

As the Bitch Man passed, everything was handed over to him until I alone stood clothed among the masses. Then, all eyes were on me. That's when the voices started.

"Look at the freak! He didn't give anything!"

"What an idiot! He'll never get anywhere in the world!"

"Some people just don't know any better. You can only feel sorry for them and shake your head."

"To hell with that! I say he's a dum fukk!"

"Me too! Go away, ya dum fukk!"

After that all I could hear were cries of "ya dum fukk" surrounding me and drowning me. I appeased them somewhat by saying, "Yeah, that's me: a dumb fuck." That caused a round of laughter. Then a friendly drunk man put his hand on my shoulder before passing out.

"Boy, I'd sure hate to be you, ya dum fukk!"

Yes, I used a forbidden song

A Traveler Of Both Time And Space

"Stop here! Put it down right here!"

The helicopter deftly landed on a sandy dune deep in the Great Desert. It was a dangerous maneuver but these were men on an historic mission. Satellite underground imaging had indicated an ancient lost city at these coordinates and thoughts of a Nobel phone call raced through their minds. They travelled not only to the deepest part of the desert but even more dangerously to their careers outside the accepted paths of human history. They hoped to find a long, lost truth.

To the naked eye, nothing was to be found. No one passed through these parts, not even desert caravans. When had a place like this ever been inhabitable? They were stepping far back into time - maybe too far. Portable Seismic indicators led them to a shallow spot and it was there excavation began. Could be weeks before anything could be found but these were not ordinary times demanding extraordinary efforts.

The howling, merciless winds had shifted the desert landscape with no living soul the wiser. But now, buried secrets inched towards daylight that altered not only the landscape but the consciousness of Man. Like a lid on a boiling pot lost artifacts of forgotten truths bubbled upwards undeniably. Almost as an extension of a global cry for answers the earth responded with her clues. To not know could be stood no longer.

It was that same global adrenaline that laced these explorers. Something inside said, "It is time." Time for what they did not know but to be on the cutting edge, to feel as the focal point of a collective energy excited their instincts like never before. Something profound was here - something liberating. Every field at its peak has its artists, these archeologists at last faced their moment in the sun. Just what had they tapped into? Was here a solution for so long missing?

It didn't take long before bones were found. That should not have happened. Should have been days or possibly weeks before any evidence would be found. Certainly, a change in the earth was occurring! As if by design, the skeleton was laid out in perfect formation. Only one thing wrong: the size. Rumors of giants have existed as long as the printed word but never had hard evidence been provided. But here in the whisper quiet sands was proof loud and clear - a shot heard 'round the world.

"My God, I don't believe it! He measures sixteen feet six inches."

"Look at the bone thickness. He'd have been terrifying in his day."

"But ordinary if he were part of a gigantic race."

"It must be some sort of anomaly!"

Digging furiously like a pack of ravenous animals, more bones and skeletons were found, all matching the size and density of the first one. Undoubtedly, were they to keep digging an entire civilization would be discovered just as the satellite maps had hinted. A revelation like this would shatter the history books and Mankind's complete understanding of its origins and history. No outsiders allowed.

The three men looked at each other as if they were on the verge of stepping into a new dimension. A discovery like this would etch their names as archeological gods forevermore. A sense of unreality crept into them. It seemed as if the planet was hurling out of orbit, a rocking of its axis that could change all life in the twinkling of an eye. There was a reason these types of truth had not been discovered before.

Transfixed by the sight of the skeletons, every answer for possible fraudulence was considered in each of the three men's minds. More of a reaction of deniability than anything, the implications thundered through these learned beings like an earthquake giving them no solid ground on which to stand. This simply cannot be happening! Had they taken a step too far?

"Can you gauge their age?"

"Approximately 15,000 years old. This area would have been a tropical paradise back then. Obviously, we'll need to take some bones back for further testing."

Take some back? This realization scared the men. Yes, they'd have eternal glory but what exactly were they bringing back? Would they be unleashing a destructive fact that could upend the structure of worldly beliefs? Take the bones back? Maybe not...

"We need to come up with an explanation. First, are they even human?"

"Human, definitely. But maybe not of this world."

"Nephilim! He must be Nephilim."

"The giants of Canaan?"

"They're mentioned earlier, in Genesis. 'The sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown.' Beginning of chapter six, I believe."

The weight of this thought both excited and suppressed them. The exact meaning of "the sons of God" had been speculated to have been everything from extraterrestrials to fallen angels. Before Earth was said to matter the Nephilim roamed freely as products of alleged mutant sin. Eventually they came to be wiped out as their time had passed to give Mankind its chance to move passed sin. Until now, this had only been a theory.

"So what does it mean?"

The unstated question was: what the hell else don't we know? Would a centaur be next? Atlantis? What is myth and what is reality after all? No one was willing to dig further.

"I think it means...maybe nothing"

"Means what? Say it, man!"

"I can't! I can't finish. I just can't."

"You two are pathetic. It means: we don't know who we are. We're going to have to change our outlooks drastically."

"That's not possible! This whole thing is absurd!"

"It's absurd to deny what's right before your eyes!"

"They're a plant! A bund of fakes!"

"You're talking rubbish now! Face it! We're on the verge of changing the course of history!"

"That's not our call! Let someone else find this later. Now is not the time for revelations."

"If it were not the time we'd have never have found it. Now is the time!"

An air of irrationality twisted their natures. That's when the chopper pilot noticed something even more disturbing.

"Hey guys, nothing is working. The GPS, radio, nothing. I've got no physical landmarks to guide us back out of here. We're in serious trouble."

"Wait, I still have my compass."

But the compass when taken out showed only a spinning needle unable to gain its bearings. "Dear God, has anyone seen such a thing?"

"I've heard of it before, in the Zone of Silence. Didn't we determine we're on the same parallel as the Great Pyramids?"

"Yes, so what?"

"The Zone of Silence is on that same parallel as well as the Bermuda triangle. If this is a similar energy portal as some say those are that could help explain this creature's presence."

"I think "creature" is a good name for it!"

"A race of prehistoric space beings with no connection to Mankind has been discovered - that sounds like a plausible fucking headline!"

"It's a relatively modern ideology that stigmatizes alien contact. Why shouldn't there be visitors from other planets? Logically, that makes more sense given the number of stars. Without that prejudice, our ancestors would have accepted the sight of aliens the same way as we accept seeing a dog or a cat, a completely natural occurrence. But now that we've turned violent to the idea, become so possessed by our own prejudices we feel necessary to keep insulated so that these beings can no longer show themselves without being destroyed."

"Hogwash!"

"You know it's true. Ask yourself! To study the nature of responsibility is to study the nature of the universe."

The chopper pilot noticed a return to normalcy of his instruments. "Fellas, I'm sure it's a coincidence but the more peaceful you are the less interference I get. I know that sounds silly..."

"No, that makes perfect sense. This is a place of densely polarized energy. A truth like this bears a high price, it doesn't come for free. Einstein had to face is own morality to bring his theories to light while lesser souls refused to go down that path. We, gentlemen, face the same hurdle."

"I'm sorry. I'm not ready to drop this bomb on the world. We can't just wipe out the foundations of beliefs. It is immoral!"

"The truth can only wipe out lies! Lies are a foundation meant to crumble. The earlier we do it the better."

"No, it's too soon! It's too soon! I can't take it! It's driving me mad!"

"I agree! This is too much! Not now! Anything but now!"

"You two are fools and cowards! Have some faith. The truth will set us free. There is no god higher than truth."

"This will bury us same as the desert buried them! You are driving us insane!"

"Oh, to hell with you. I'm taking a bone back to shock the world and open their minds. Besides, what we know now cannot be unknown."

"We can't let you do that!"

And so they didn't.

As always in history, the non-believers killed the believer, burying him next to the giants. But the resulting discord in their souls vibrated the energy field to such an extant no physical instrument could function, leaving the travelers stranded in the desert to die. The secret of the giant race remains a secret for now but a new rage entered the world, another degree added to the boiling pot, tilting another inch the earth's axis in bent disharmony.