"Have you ever taken anyone out for personal reasons?"
"Yes, about six years ago. I picked off my love Debby in a fit of rage."
"Can you tell us the thought process on that - and, uh, how not to piss you off?"
"It wasn't that kind of rage. It was true love and true love can never be forgiven. Her presence on this planet while not present in my life drove me over the edge."
"Can you say you regret that hit more than any other?"
"Going in that's what I expected. I was sure I was lying to myself but I was out of control at that time. The dream was dying right before my eyes. I had this voice screaming at me, "Make it stop! Make it stop!" It's hell when forces greater than yourself drive you. But to answer your question: no. In fact, it's the one I least regret. It just has never bothered me."
"Have you ever thought of conducting any other non-sanctioned hits?"
"I've mulled what it would be like to take out an investment bank CEO. Those guys never see any payback for what they do. I don't like people walking around feeling invulnerable. Take out two or three of those fuckers and the rest will be looking over their shoulders rest of their life. Instead, we get the government declaring these bozos above the law."
"So why didn't you?"
"I would have if I'd thought it'd accomplish anything. But once I saw the government say, "Don't touch these guys" and not a peep from anyone when they do that, that's when I know everyone is in it: the crooks, the voters, all the so-called proper people, the whole nine yards. The greed goes on no matter how many I kill. It's human weakness, you can't stop that with a gun."
"How many have you killed?"
"I'd rather not think about it so I don't."
"Does your profession pay well?"
"Once you get a reputation the dough starts rolling in. Starting out you basically gotta kill on spec. It's a bad feeling risking everything for a few lousy bucks. Once you get enough money to stay out of the system you start feeling a whole lot better. But until you make a name for yourself it's an awful lonely business."
"Aren't you lonely now? Are you able to have relationships?"
"You can't be attached to anything. You're invisible. You see guys trying to lead a normal life around that sometimes but it never works. Not for me anyway."
"Is there anyone you won't kill?"
"No. What difference does it make who you kill?"
"Is it true you let your victims pray as a possible way out?"
"If it comes up, yes."
"You have no fear of God?"
"There's only as much God in this world as we let in. Last time I checked there's not much to fear on that front."
"If you could choose another profession, would you? And what would it be?"
"I'd love a different profession. No fucking idea what it'd be."
"But surely as a child you didn't grow up thinking you'd be an assassin."
"No. All I knew was I wanted to get even."
"Even with whom?"
"Just even. Even with this crap world. I've always been a dreamer. And I always knew you assassinate dreamers. Kennedy, King, Lennon. You dream you die. No place for me."
"What did your parents think of this?"
"What parents? Us kids was the enemy. Finding out about us meant finding out about themselves. One thing I learned in all these years, no way people want to find out about themselves. They'll do anything not to know. I was on my own!"
"You sound angry."
"Goddam right I'm angry! I just want a normal life, dammit! You think sex with hookers is real? I can't be with anyone I want so what's the fucking point of anything? I'm out of the system but just as trapped. If I stop killing they kill me. It's not like in the movies where you can get away and blow them to bits. Jesus fucking Christ!"
"It seems you've based your whole life on the idea you can never have a normal life."
"Exactly! If I could have one wish, that would be it. But it's beyond even hope of hope. There's nothing legitimate to your "legitimate" world. It's a fucking farce anywhere but your deceived minds. I see all your fingerpointing. It's the media, it's the government, it's the freaks overseas, corporations, even me - always somebody else. You stinkers made this mess, nobody else."
"Is that why you claim satisfaction in killing?"
"All I know is I'm dying inside and I want you to feel what I'm feeling. I can't help it. I guess nobody can. We always want to make everyone like we are. So yes, to answer a previous question. I would not want to kill a happy person. There is that."
"But what if you were wrong? What if there had been a way to a normal life and you did all these killings for nothing? What then?"
"Well...that would be bad. It would be like we killed everyone for no reason then, wouldn't it? From Jesus to John, from dignitaries to drone strikes, from prisoners to the poor, all for nothing. I guess everyone convinces themselves they have no choice when they pull that trigger. God can't help us if we're wrong."
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