The Infinite Hurt Locker

i'm in serious trouble

i don't know why I'm telling you people. you people are monsters. i can't stop and you can't help. trapped in a raging current on the river to hell.

i'm in serious trouble

mind ripping trouble. walking through the house screaming trouble. frozen in the moment right before the wolves devour you in unstoppable flesh tearing madness.

i'm in serious trouble

time does not heal all wounds. sometimes it perpetuates them. the longer you live the more you hurt. mistakes of the past never leave. they blackmail you always wanting more.

i'm in serious trouble

it's the only time i feel alive, with a gun pointed towards my head. it's the only time i feel alive when i'm so close to death. death is life and life is death. i can't stop and you won't help.

i'm in serious trouble

i was wrong to go to nam. why don't i feel better when i say that? i'm supposed to, right. i just feel pushed in. i say it but i don't know it. i know i want to die. i know i'm dying.

you leave a hero. you come back a coward

i'm in serious trouble

all alone. alone in every way. when the gun's against your head you're alone forever. empty and alone. the world echoes. i never should have gone to nam. i was weak and cowardly. it was the guilt. i did what they wanted. where are they now?

i'm in serious trouble

where's the help? nobody can help when the gun's against your head. I don't want to die! I don't want to die! chink faced fuckers with their guns and cigarettes putting me inside the hole of their souls.

i'm in serious trouble

i can't stop. i have to keep doing it. i want to feel alive. pull the trigger! pull it, you bitch. they want you to, the motherfuckers. that's all they want. they don't think about anything else. who are you people?

i'm in serious trouble

flying in that first time was sickest feeling of my life. i still feel the plane buzzing like we were a cargo of spare parts to nowhere. they stick you in a shithole like you're nothing. that's all they do, say you're nothing over and over and over until you believe it. being nothing is what makes them happy.

i'm in serious trouble

being nothing was supposed to make me good. it's like a sick poison that feels good going down. rest the time your body aches in terrorizing pain. pain like a prison with no way out. i'm going mad in the boundless dark. only more poison makes me feel good. look at me! i'm shit! war is about throwing away your life because your buddy did.

i'm in serious trouble

nobody wanted to know my name. nobody looked me in the eye. i see why now knowing what they had planned when the worst of the worst happens. they knew it could happen and secretly wanted it to. they want you captured and tortured. if you die and can't testify against them then they really make you a hero.

i'm in serious trouble

why doesn't anyone help me?? can't they see the gun against my head? only my tormenters see it. everyone else abandons me. how can you leave me to die? why would you bring me here? how is this helping anything? i must eat to live but all i have to eat is insanity.

i'm in serious trouble

it's the biggest sin, wanting to live. they'll forgive you anything but that. raping, killing, burning it's all ok. it makes you like them and they like that. but don't let them know you want to live. they hold that against you in forever anger. they put a gun to your head just like the gooks. everyone's a goddam gook.

i'm in serious trouble

i'm sliding down a slow motion ice slope to the edge of a cliff. you say look you up if i live but where are you now? i got a boner thinking about being dead. it's my only friend that bullet in this gun. it will make the hurting stop. you aren't who you say you are.

i'm in serious trouble